i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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