she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
