I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
