The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
