I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
