Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Are we in a gay sports bar?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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