If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize