hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize