Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
