we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
