Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
