Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
