my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
