My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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