I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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