She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize