The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
you win again, gameday.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Randomize
