Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
