he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Rumble strips road head = magical
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
