if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
