When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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