All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
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