considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
