Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
