i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
