So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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