my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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