it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize