This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
