If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
