Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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