I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize