We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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