oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
