I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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