rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
