My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize