Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Actions speak louder than pants.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
