my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
