Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
