Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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