In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
