I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
