HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
