Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
