we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize