i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
