he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
