Duck Duck Cougar?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize