i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
