That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize