I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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