I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
