I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
