Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
