So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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