Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
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