My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
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