it's too hot outside to masturbate.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
