just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
