I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Randomize
