My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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