Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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