just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
There's always time for handjobs
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
