Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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