I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
