Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
my liver is dry heaving
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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