dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
