I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
