I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
