you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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