Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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